I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
