i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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