pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
