would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
