You're my little dorito
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
