The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
