I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
