Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
