i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
