Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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