I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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