You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
