i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
