As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
