i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
