4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
