Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
