Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i out mim tonsoeep
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