Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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