I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
