She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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