Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
