my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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