you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
