Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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