I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
