got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
