Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
