Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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