idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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