I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
