there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
