you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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