...so i touched it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
