addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
