Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im holly from the hills drunk
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
