i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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