Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
