he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
it glows. i had to have it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
