Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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