i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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