Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
