The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
this will be a night to untag.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I did not marry a roomba.
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