I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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