Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
