fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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