I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
