that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
