My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
