i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
